Should you be honest upfront if you’re not interested in another date?
September 28, 2009 Email to a Friend
Dear Faithmate Advisors,
I have had this situation a few times in the past and I never know how to handle it. Let’s say you are on a first date with a man and you know that you are not interested in him in a romantic way. At the end he asks if he can call you again or if you would want to go on another date. Is it better to be nice and say yes then make up an excuse when he calls, or to be honest and tell him? And if you are honest, how honest should you be??
As a Christian, what would you do and why?
The Real World Perspective
Faithmate’s Ethics Advisor says…
I believe what you are really asking is whether it is more compassionate to be honest up front or to string the person along a bit, thinking maybe the blow will be softer if left for later. My belief is that most people would rather know up front if there’s no chance, so they can close the door and move on to more realistic opportunities for romance.
Now, to address your second question: not too honest…especially if the answer would cause the person to be embarrassed or feel badly about themselves. I find a good explanation meets two criteria: It isn’t cruel and it can’t be argued: “I had a great time with you, but I feel I should be honest; I just don’t feel a romantic connection.” Aside from the fact that it’s often true, this is an excellent explanation, because it’s not too personally insulting. Romantic chemistry/connection is an inexplicable thing that doesn’t really have to do with looks or personality. It simply is or it isn’t. So next time it isn’t, tell him…without too much detail.
The Real WORD Perspective
Faithmate’s Spiritual Advisor says…
Proverbs 16:20 “He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the Lord, happy is he.”
Of course, these are just two opinions! As a Christian, do you agree or disagree? Post your comments below…
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3 Comments So Far
I believe that you should be honest with all men and let them know that you are only interested in friendship only if that is the case. This cuts out any drama or bad feelings that may arise from that first date. I am concerned with your willingness to lead a man on into asking for a second date and the “making up an excuse”. Remember to treat people the way you want to be treated. You can’t go wrong. Men will respect you more when you are honest. Men rebound quickly from rejection so don’t worry about their feelings when you are being honest.
I, too, believe in being up front and honest at the time it’s known that there is no future for the relationship. I have done this. It does, however, offend some, no matter how gentle and honest you are. In my experience, those that could handle it moved on or became friends. Those that couldn’t handle it just moved on, after setting me straight, of course. Then I really was assured of our incompatibility. All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose.
Of course you be upfront and honest that’s always the best policy.
And as Christians that should be your lifestyle?.