Men: As a married man, should you return a voicemessage from an ex?
September 21, 2009 Email to a Friend
Dear Faithmate Advisors,
I am a married man for the last 6 years and last month I got a message on my cell phone (the same number I’ve had for years) from an ex-girlfriend. The message said she just wanted to see how I was doing and left her number and said to call her back. I contemplated what to do, if I should call her back just to be nice and whether I should tell my wife. I am a Christian man and I love my wife deeply. Because of this I decided to tell my wife and not to return the call. Was this rude to my ex that I didn’t call back?
As a Christian, what would you do and why?
The Real World Perspective
Faithmate’s Ethics Advisor says…
I believe you handled this awkward situation absolutely perfectly. You are obviously a good man and an honest one…and one who cares about the feelings of others. But, as you should, you care most about the feelings of your wife and wouldn’t want to disrespect her by rekindling communication with an ex.
Even though you feel “rude” by not responding to your ex, you are wise enough to know that reconnecting with exes once married is stepping into dangerous territory. Think about it. Why was your ex calling now, years later? Did she really just want to make sure your life had taken a positive path? Possibly. But doubtful. Most likely, she was secretly hoping for something that you aren’t in a position to give. Furthermore, not returning an ex’s call does not make you rude. Instead, most intelligent adults understand it simply says, “I am happily married and know that nothing good is going to come from reconnecting.”
The Real WORD Perspective
Faithmate’s Spiritual Advisor says…
Job 12:11 11We hear with our ears,
taste with our tongues,
Of course, these are just two opinions! As a Christian, do you agree or disagree? Post your comments below…
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8 Comments So Far
I absolutely agree; God does not tempt any many and neither can be tempted. I believe in this case the feelings of being “rude” is a spirit from the antichrist and you resisted as you should have. Now if you just a genuinely, overly nice/compassion man and care
about other feelings, and if this situation arise again, you and your wife do a conference call and you introduce your wife and help break this vicious cycle called adultery….physically and spiritually.
Upmost respect for the way you handle things,
ElderCheryl
I think you handled the situation well. Do you think you could have called your ex and let her know that you are doing well without any residual feelings or issues arising? Is your wife secure enough with herself to have allowed you to say hello to your ex? People believe that saying to an ex who has called you is stepping on dangerous territioy. It is, only for the person who still has unresolved feelings for that person. For a person who has truly moved, on saying hello to an ex is a non issue. For a woman who is not jealous hearted or insecure saying hello to an ex is a non issue.
I think you handled the situation well. Do you think you could have called your ex and let her know that you are doing well without any residual feelings or issues arising? Is your wife secure enough with herself to have allowed you to say hello to your ex? People believe that saying hello to an ex who has called them is stepping on dangerous territiory. It is, only for the person who still has unresolved feelings for that person. For a person who has truly moved, on saying hello to an ex is a non issue. For a woman who is not jealous hearted or insecure saying hello to an ex is a non issue.
I think its ok to return the call of an ex just to say hello and that you and your wife are doing fine. Would your wife feel insecure about that? Are there any residual feelings still left on your part? If the answer to those two questions are no then I think its ok.
You did the correct thing in telling your wife about your ex ‘message’- however, you could have returned the call. Let her know you are happily married and now a christian and let her know how God has changed you and if she is not a christian He could do the same for her.
It is not like you are planning to meet her privately and you wont be entertaining any romantic conversation. Once you have been delivered from someone an occasional “hi, how are you on the phone” shouldnt be a problem, if your wife is ok with it. Maybe your ex thought she had hurt you and she want to set her ‘conscience’ free.
ann.
I agree with not returing the call, why would she be call after all this time. You are a good man who loves his wife. I like that you were open with your wife, I am sure that made her feel good that you came to her and were able to be tranparent with her, really you have may your marriage stronger. I think all women want to trust their husbands but, sometime they give you not reason to trust them.
May God Bless Your Marriage!
Being a woman of God, I truly believe this situation was handled the absolute best way possible…the “Godly” way!!! As a wife, I would have wanted to know for several different reasons. One, the enemy is darkness and that’s exactly where he likes to get you in the dark. Things go on in the dark that sometimes can’t transpire in the light. As soon as the truth was told, the enemy’s ploy was exposed and now your wife can trust that you are honest and sincerely “RESPECT” the boundaries as well as health of your marriage. With her knowing there is also a door opened for accountability because even if there were no residual feelings for your ex, the enemy will use any opportunity you give him to work against you. So you might have been ok talking to her without old feelings coming to the surface, but she could have obviously had a hidden agenda in which she would try to force on you (because the enemy is using her). On top of that, now your wife “just happens” to come across the phone records and questions you about the matter. Nothing is going on but how does she know for sure when it’s “what it looks like.” And for someone that probably didn’t even matter to you, the enemy has just used to cause dissention in your home because trust was torn from your relationship. An issue easily avoided by the exact way you handled it. Don’t ever give the devil even a little room. Always try to play out the “worst case scenario” for the decision you are leaning toward, and draw your conclusion from there. It will keep you from later saying “If I thought this would happen, I would have never…” Bottom line, I believe this was a test you passed with flying colors!!!
God Speed
what would the wife say, if she felt it was ok then explain to ex. that u r hply mrd and have a good life..