Dear G-                                

 Nobody else will talk about this. Maybe you will.

I am so tired of seeing these “swishy” men in my church that I could scream! Everywhere I turn there are effeminate men, flipping their wrists, waving their hands, and singing God’s praise when they should be asking for His forgiveness for being the way they are.

It is not right, it is not godly, and it is an insult to all the single women out here who are looking for real men in their lives. We’ve lost so many of our black men to prisons and murder, and now we’re losing them to homosexuality.

Our pastor preaches against homosexuality, but that’s as far as he goes, he does nothing about the problem. I try to talk to other women in the church about doing something about this, but most of them shush me, like I have a problem, and they pretend that they don’t see it. Everyone acts like as long as you don’t ask and don’t tell, nothing is wrong.

But something is wrong. The Bible says: If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act . . .  -  Lev. 20:13

Please, G, tell the truth and shame the devil among us. This is an abomination and I, for one, can’t take it anymore.

                                                                     Makes me Wanna Holla!

THE DEAL

Alllrighty, then, Holla!  Take a deep breath, Sister-girl, grab a church fan and cool yourself down a minute. You and I do agree on one thing – and one thing only: Issues that generate this much controversy and division in the church community should not be swept under the pulpit and can, in fact, provide an excellent opportunity for the church to founder understanding and acceptance within their congregations.

As with most things kept in the dark, controversial issues have a tendency to scare us until they’re viewed in the light of day and their assumed dangers are dispelled. And this issue is a BIG one, lurking “in the closet” and generating — arguably — more controversy and dissension than any other topic in the Christian community.

“Most major Christian denominations hold the view that homosexuality is sinful,” including the Roman Catholic Church, Evangelical Protestant and Presbyterian churches, Assemblies of God, and Southern Baptist Convention, among others, according to Wikipedia.

Some Christian religions have come to believe that homosexuality is not an inherently sinful practice, while others actively debate the issue. Most, unfortunately, take the stance of the military – “don’t ask; don’t tell,” bypassing a perfect spiritual “teachable moment.” Even within similar religious groups, churches vary on their stance and handling of the topic.

The debate rages in the scientific community about preference or predisposition. Meanwhile, politicians and clergymen (of all religions) who’ve railed against homosexuality are caught – literally — with their pants down, gay bashings and beatings are on the upswing, and yet another chasm is widened between human beings, as we attempt to establish the rightness of our positions. Whether we view homosexuality as a scientific or moral issue, more than likely, we humans will never agree on a topic as personal and individual as sexual orientation. So here is . . .

THE REAL

 Judge not lest ye be judged – Matthew 7:1

Ahhight, Holla. I see that I’m “talking to the hand” and you’re ready to write me off. But please hear me out. If some of our most revered spiritual leaders are doing personal battle with their sexual orientation, isn’t it possible that the issue isn’t as black and white, right or wrong as we want it to be? That, at the very least, we should seek to understand before we condemn?

You see, although I don’t agree with you, I do understand where you’re coming from, Holla. The truth is that it’s human nature to be uncomfortable with those whom we perceive to be different from ourselves. If we are raised in, and our values anchored by, the traditional family, it’s understandable that alternative lifestyles seem strange – even forbidden – to us. If our religious beliefs further condemn those lifestyles, then our objections take on the passionate tone such as yours. But the bottom line is this: only God can judge.

You stated that your pastor preaches against but “does nothing about” the gay members of your congregation. What would you have him do? Smoke ‘em out? Perhaps his acceptance is a message to the congregation at large: judge not . . .

If his words or actions cause you internal conflict, it is your right and Christian obligation to question what you might perceive as hypocrisy. Perhaps your pastor is unaware of the dissonance caused by his words. The late, openly gay author, E. Lynn Harris, stated in his book, Say a Little Prayer, “  . . . anti-gay sermons are a good way to pack the pews. At some of these big churches, the anti-gay sermons used to be once or twice a year. Now, it could be once or twice a month.” Ask your minister to help you understand the purpose of his sermons.

If, despite his explanation, you are adamantly opposed to sharing God’s refuge with others who are less than perfect, I’m afraid you’ll be on a fruitless, non-ending journey, as none of us have achieved perfection, and no such place exists.

You spoke of the black men who have been murdered or are in prisons with a degree of compassion, Holla. Some of the men who committed those crimes have clearly broken one or more of the Ten Commandments, and may be members of your congregation. It’s difficult for me to believe that a woman whose religious convictions are as strong as your own would advocate “doing something about ” them, other than offering them prayer and understanding. You should do no less for individuals whose only “crime” is being different from you.

Straight up, Holla, I doubt that you consider every man who crosses your path to be an appropriate, potential partner, sexual orientation notwithstanding.  The openly gay men are, at the very least, honest about who they are. Perhaps you should focus your crusade on the men who are not so honest about their preferences (another story, another time).

Keep that in mind the next time a fella with a “flair” waves his hand and raises his voice along with yours in high praise of God. Let your time of worship be about Him, not about him.

                                                                         G