Dear G-

I have something on my mind that I need to get out. More and more, I see fine men hook up with women who are not there equal. I’m a Christian woman with natural beauty, what they call a redbone.

My body is toned, my hair and nails are always fresh, and I’m always in style. I go to the same church and other places that these other women do. I’m not bragging, but for real on my worse day I look better than most of them on they best day.

I can’t help it that I look like this, and I know they can’t help the way they look, but I’m just saying. These men can do better. Why would they settle when they can have somebody that looks like me?

A “Dime”. . .

THE DEAL

Oooooo! Yet another Dimepiece!

By the way, babygirl, you forgot to include the rest of yo’ name: “ . . . A Dozen”. I don’t mean to insult your assets, but really, have you noticed that the dollar has plummeted in value? That makes your “dime” almost worthless by today’s standards. And, courtesy of the billion dollar makeup and plastic surgery industries, beautiful women are less than a dime a dozen.

Yeh, yeh, yeh. I know it’s only a figure of speech, but when we start assigning our value to an image, in reality the only things that grow in value are the bottom lines of the above-mentioned corporations. Our true value as Christian women only diminishes.

The fact that you place all your emphasis on how you look leads me to believe that not only have you missed some of the most basic tenets of Christian womanhood, you also don’t have a clue about the beautiful you on the inside, or what inspires a man to “hook up” with a woman (I’m assuming that by “hook-up” you mean a committed relationship, not a casual “run-through”).

Best selling author John T. Molloy and his researchers conducted over 3,000 interviews with couples coming out of marriage license bureaus, and cited the results in his book Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others. Seven are listed below. (The italics are my addition)

• Men are attracted by the physical, but marry character
• Only 7 out of 2,000 men interviewed said that their fiancée was dressed in a very sexy outfit when they met.
• All wives are trophy wives—men marry women whom they admire and like to show off (but not for their physical appearance)
• Most men decide within 10 minutes of meeting a woman if she’s appropriate for marriage, or just for a casual affair.
• Newly engaged men said that what attracted them to their fiancées was how classy, positive, energetic, enthusiastic, and upbeat their future wives were.
• While 68% gave a physical description of their fiancées, only 20% said that what attracted them was how gorgeous and sexy their fiancées were.

It’s time to re-group, “D”, ‘cause here’s:

THE REAL

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. – 1 Peter 3:3-4 (New International Version)

Straight up, “D”, beneath all that bravado, I’m thinking you have some insecurities about your self-worth. You ask why men wouldn’t choose to have “somebody who looks” like you. Hmmmm . . . could it be possible that a man is more interested in knowing and having the real you than he is in someone who looks like you do?

You feel that you possess exceptional, physical beauty, the measure of which is defined by our current culture. Maybe so. Either way, consider it a gift. You’ve done nothing to earn that gift, “D”. And just as easily as it came — with no effort on your part –despite your best efforts to maintain the outward beauty, it will just as easily go or, at the very least, be sampled and passed over for something with more substance.

I’m not suggesting that outward beauty is not of value; only that it cannot stand alone. Everyone can see what you are. Find out who you are, “D”. Ask yourself what’s in your spiritual wallet?

If the best you can come up with is a “dimepiece”, you then have to ask yourself: Is that of “great worth in God’s sight?” If not, how ‘bout some change?

G