Dear G-

I am a single mother with two beautiful children — a boy 16, and a girl 12 — who have been raised in church and have gone to parochial schools since pre-school. I lost my job a year ago and only recently started work as a part-time consultant making less than half of what I made before.

I can probably afford to keep my kids in their current schools for this semester, but will have to put them in public schools after the semester ends. The public schools where we live are terrible. I am afraid for my children for a lot of reasons — safety, quality of education, and the temptations they’ll face, being only a few. I’m struggling to pay my house note and am not able to relocate.

My mother says that I worry too much and that the kids will be fine, just because she graduated from public schools. But that was a long time ago. Things are so much worse now. I know it’s not on the up-and-up, but I’m thinking about using a friend’s address to get them into a better school district. Do you think that’s a bad thing to do?

Cathy Can’t-Face-the-“Public”

THE DEAL

Cathy, Cathy, Cathy. A-h-h-h, Lady, I sincerely sympathize with you. The academic and social challenges of our inner-city schools are long-standing ones, with multiple tentacles and long term, far-reaching effects. Your letter speaks of many of those issues.

For an individual, personal fear can be a terrible thing. Fear stemming from concern about our children’s well being is exponentially more terrible. In some cases that fear is justified. Unfortunately, violence in our school usually mirrors that of our society at large.

There’s no need to quote the statistics. You need only flip the TV switch any given day of the week to be bombarded by the fear factor that keeps the station ratings high, and our fear ratios even higher. The result of this fear is often timidity, poor decision-making, or inertia. But, because this is about our “babies,” we can’t afford any of those outcomes.

Your bottom line question is: Do I think it’s a bad thing for you to lie to get your children into a better school district? Let me flip the script for a moment:

Do you think it’s a bad thing for your children to lie to gain personal advantage?

Do you think it’s a bad thing for corporate CEO’s to lie to us about their financial freewheeling to improve their bottom lines?

Do you think it’s wrong for leaders of a country to lie about their reasons for engaging their citizens in wars of aggression?

You know the right answer, Cathy. Don’t let fear rule you. Do the right thing.

“For God did not give us the spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline”

(II Tim. 1:7).

THE REAL

The bottom line is this: Do every right thing within your power to provide for, help, and protect your children.

Cathy, girl, I am a black mother from w-a-a-a-y back. I have gone toe-to-toe with 6 ft. tall referees, fought off gangs of little fast-tailed teenage girls, protested against boards of education, written up deans of admissions, admonished uncaring teachers, and thrown rocks at not a few little kindergarteners (I’m like Bernie Mac, I’ll hit a kid . . . nah, I’m just kiddin’). Seriously, though, there’s not much I haven’t done to protect and provide for my children. I know the path from whence you cometh.

Your ability to survive in this crazy, new world will be dependent upon your ability to adapt to change, and to work outside of established, traditionally accepted methods – yeah, thinkin’ outside da box!

Here’s a list of suggestions and questions you might want to consider:

1.)   Ask the administrators of your children’s current school whether they would accept a lowered tuition amount or set up extended payments in an amount that is manageable on your salary.

2.)    Do your children’s current schools offer any type of scholarships that you could apply for so that they can stay where they are? Until you ask, you’ll never know.

3.)    Are you eligible for any state or local assistance that might pay for part of your children’s tuition?

4.)     Does your church offer any educational assistance that you might qualify for?

5.)     Does your kids’ father have temporary custody, which might qualify your children to attend school in a better district?

6.)     Do any of your neighbors home-school their children? Are they qualified to (and capable of) teaching your children, as well?

7.)     Can your church start a school? (GREAT IDEA!)

You can rest assured that yours is not the only family in your church and community facing these challenges. Speak with your minister about organizing a committee to start a school for the children and youth who attend your church. There are sure to be a number of teachers who are retired or recently laid off from their jobs who would love to make some extra income.

The International School of Ministry “supplies curriculum materials for churches and other ministries to run their own training programs. Check out their website at www.isom.org for more “getting started” information.

There’s also a basic, but informative video entitled How to Start a Home Education Church School at www.ehow.com by a California Home school group. The Missions for Retired and Second Career Christians is also an excellent source for finding Christian teachers who are interested in part-time work. You can find them at www.missionfinder.org .

If none of the above work for you, and you eventually end up placing your children in public school, know this, Cathy: The strong Christian education and upbringing that you’ve provided your son and daughter will help insure that they stay strong and focused, even in a challenging, sometimes dangerous, inner-city school environment. Other suggestions would be to:

Encourage your children to get involved in extra-curricular activities such as sports, school newspaper, school choirs, etc. The camaraderie amongst the kids in those groups usually serves as somewhat of a protective shield and also will insure that the after school hours are spent safely and productively.

• Enroll them in your local YMCA or Boys and Girls Clubs – again, these organizations foster positive relationships and provide good role models.
• Arrange with your employer to take your lunch at 3:00 (or whatever time your children’s schools dismiss) so that your family can walk home together.

Your actions, honesty, and use of critical thinking skills will serve as a model for their choices. Take ‘em to church as often as possible and remember:

There shall no man be able to stand before you: for the LORD your God shall lay the fear of you and the dread of you upon all the land that ye shall tread upon, as he hath said unto you. Deuteronomy 11:25

G