Must You Meet Your Man or Woman at Church? Six (Perfectly Appropriate) Places to Meet Your Partner

“It took years to realize that I don’t necessarily have to ‘bump’ into my mate in a church setting.  I could meet him anywhere.  I think that ‘churchism’ has geared us to believe that you have to meet that right person in a certain setting, and it’s because of that belief I find it difficult to even join Faithmate.  What can I do to break free from that mentality?  I’ve already been praying about this matter for years now.”

The above was a recent comment from a Faithmate visitor; unfortunately, she’s not alone.  This is a widespread belief that’s hindering Christian singles in their search for love.

What’s behind the belief?

Generally, this idea stems from one of two mindsets: Either people feel they could only possibly meet someone of similar values at church or that it is somehow sinful to go “carousing” other avenues in search of their soul mate.  They feel like looking for a partner takes on some sort of sleazy or impure connotation if done anywhere other than the most sacred of settings.  So they figure they’ll play it safe…by sticking to potential partners found no more than 25 feet from the pulpit.

Changing the belief

One of the best ways to refute a baseless belief is by logical examination.  Of course, in religion, faith trumps logic.  But in this case, when we really consider the concern that it’s sinful to look for love outside the church, we see how silly it sounds.  I mean would God really not bless meeting your beloved in the frozen foods section of your local market?  Does joining a Christian dating site in search of likeminded love mean you’re of loose morals?  Of course not.  And when put in these terms, we can see the absurdity of the idea.

On the other hand, the worry that you won’t meet someone of shared values outside the church is a bit more founded.  When you date within your congregation, you have one big hurdle behind you: You know they are a Believer.  And while this does bring peace of mind and make the selection process simpler, we have to face facts…there’s not always enough singles to choose from.

Increase your chances: Expand your exposure

So what do you do?  You broaden your horizons…while staying true to your heart.  Because Believers—and those who may not share your exact beliefs, but who are respectful and interested in learning—can be found anywhere.  And the men and women you see on Sunday have entire lives outside of the service.  This means spiritual singles (including those who’ve have been a little lax on attendance) work, shop, go to events and parties, and surf online.  So stop limiting yourself; try meeting them there.

Six other places to find the love of your life

If he hasn’t turned up in the pew across the aisle or the closest singles ministry, consider these (perfectly acceptable) alternatives for meeting Mr. or Ms. Right:

Dating websites

Do you consider your Tivo a transgression?  Is your iPhone an offense?  Dating sites are simply this century’s method for meeting a mate.  While it’s tempting to think of them as something less than spiritual, you need to see them for what they are…simply a new technology that’s helping all types of people come together.  Pick a Christian dating site like Faithmate, and you’ve done one better in finding someone who shares your beliefs and values.

The good, old-fashioned setup

Although dating sites have now become the standard, there’s something to be said for the traditional setup.  The trick is taking matters into your own hands.  Friends and family get involved in their own lives and aren’t always attuned to finding you lasting love.  What you need to do is ask: “Know anyone who might be a good match for me?”  Once they’re keeping their eyes open, I’ll bet someone crosses their path.  (Want to know more about matchmaking?  See “Match and Be Matched Part I: Making the Most of the Good, Old-Fashioned Setup.”)

Social get-togethers

My friends who date a lot consider every social invitation a possibility to meet their future partner.  And while I’m not saying you need to become a social butterfly if you’re more of a hang-at-home type, I am advising you consider the crowd before turning down that coworker’s wedding, friend’s boyfriend’s birthday party, or celebration barbeque.  If it seems like a place to gain exposure to new people, it will probably be a worthwhile adventure.  (Remember—even if you don’t meet The One, expanding your social circle only means more chances to eventually come across your intended.)

Out and about

The coffee shop, bookstore, shopping mall, supermarket, dog or kiddie park, health club…dry cleaner, shoe repair, cell phone store (you get the point) can all be sites for love to strike.  And this doesn’t mean being completely preoccupied with meeting someone.  Quite the contrary.  Because should you bump into someone special, believe me, you’ll know.  The key is seizing the opportunity by striking up small talk.

Work (with a couple caveats)

Unless your company has a policy against it, don’t discount work as a place to make a love connection.  That being said, there are some risks and a couple of caveats, like making sure the person is a colleague, neither below nor above you in rank.  (See next week’s posting for specific dos and don’ts of office romance).

Because of this inherent risk, an ever better pool of potentials includes people you meet through work or whom you deal with professionally, but who are not within your actual organization.  Regular customers, vendors, or even those in a different department are people on whom you can get a good read before going out romantically.

Organized groups

If you go online, you can Google almost any interest, along with your city or zip code, and find a group of people who get together.  Single parenting, weight loss, book/movie discussions, charities, political action groups, or those advancing a certain cause will all be filled with singles sharing common interests.  You might also consider joining an athletic team or taking a class (a foreign language or subject that enhances you professionally serves double duty).

The final word

Churchism can be a reason some Christians are not meeting a mate.  While it would be wonderful if we had to look no further than our own congregation, this is often not the reality.  Especially for women—as some churches come close to a 90/10 female-to-male ratio—looking for love in other not-so-wrong places can be the kick your love life needs to get on course.  Still think it’s a sacrilege?  Try telling that to the couple I know who just got engaged…they met (gasp!) in the grocery store…and from the smiles on their faces, neither feels the slightest bit guilty.