Dating Dos and Don’ts: What You Need to Know about Dating in the Workplace

Singles often wonder: Should you date people you work with?  Or, do the risks simply outweigh the potential for reward?  In an earlier article, I mention six spots—other than church—as possible places to meet likeminded love.  One of the more controversial is the workplace.

For some, “Don’t mix business with pleasure” is practically a commandment in the Big Book of Dating.  But as a Christian single looking for someone of shared beliefs, our pool of prospects is already more shallow.  Unconditionally eliminating the spot we spend most our waking hours starts to really stack the odds against us.

The dos and don’ts of office romance

My feeling is that we shouldn’t scratch work off our list entirely!  Instead, use this list of dos and don’ts to determine when it’s worth pursuing a potential love interest at work…and how to minimize professional risk as much as possible.

DO peruse your company’s fraternization policy

Some companies have policies which prohibit, or limit, dating between employees.  So while you may not agree with your employer dictating your dating life, if it’s on paper, I’d avoid “fraternization”…or find yourself another job.  Because although there is some debate as to whether these policies are actually enforceable, worst case, you’ll get canned; best case, it simply becomes a big, fat headache.

DO date only those at the same level

Because of sexual harassment lawsuits, dating a superior (or even worse, a supervisor!) is really risky business.  Ditto on dating down if you are in a position of power.  If you are not sure whether it could be seen as inappropriate, ask yourself this: Is the person in any position to help advance my career within the company?  And on the flip side, could getting into my good graces do anything to help theirs?  If you’re admitting in the affirmative to either question, better you scope out those in the “colleague” category.

DON’T do it just for fun

There are millions of men and women in the world with whom you could hang out and have a laugh or a casual romance.  Because dating in the workplace always entails some risk to your professional profile, it’s only worth it when you feel there’s potential for a serious, long-term romance with someone who seems special.  In other words, finding your future husband or wife may well be worth risking your job; but a month-long fling is not worth the hassle of filing for unemployment.

DO be friends first

In line with the last point, the only way you are going to know whether the person is worth the inherent jeopardy to your job is by being friends first.  Once you’ve hung out without flirting or physicality, you’re in a better position to decide whether to proceed.

DON’T overlook maturity and mental stability

While you can never truly tell how someone will act should you split up, there are surefire signs that there will be embarrassing scenes…and probably meetings with HR.  Essentially, when deciding whether to accept that first date, consider the coworker’s level of maturity and mental stability.  For example, the hardworking guy with a reputation for being responsible and keeping calm under pressure is a safer bet than the sexy sister in ad sales who’s cute, but a little crazy.

DO consider how closely you work

In general, the more closely you work with one another, the worse your chances for smooth sailing should things end…and the greater the possibility for problems even if things work out.  Therefore, when deciding whether to date, definitely put emphasis on proximity: People outside your department, in a satellite office, or those you work with, but who aren’t actually employed by your company (i.e. contract employees, freelancers, or vendors) are less dangerous dates, to be certain.

DON’T jeopardize your dream job

As mentioned above, even if you do everything by the book, there is the risk of a messy breakup or damage to your climb up the corporate ladder.  Because of this, the most important message with regards to dating coworkers is not to do it if you’ve been lucky enough to land your dream job…especially if you’ve worked 25 years to get it!

You have to be real.  In any situation, there’s the possibility things could go sour, that the situation could get so bad you’d have to seek work elsewhere.  And assuming that the other person would graciously leave to let you work in peace is just plain stupid.  Therefore, the first question you must ask yourself is this: Would I be devastated if I had to find other employment?  If the answer is yes, stick to dates outside your organization.

The final word

So what if you do decide to date someone you meet at work?  Oddly enough, I suggest taking direction from the don’t-mix-business-with-pleasure people: Keep the romance out of the office!  Flirty looks, playful banter, and socializing should be saved for after hours.