So You’re Single…Wondering What to Do While You “Wait”?

When we are single, sometimes it feels like we are simply waiting: Waiting to meet someone.  Waiting to start a family.  Waiting to start our lives.

In many articles, I have focused on how we can take meeting a mate into our own hands…at least to some degree.  But the truth is, no matter how much we do to tip the scales toward finding love, we can’t always force fate.  If you are looking to settle down, there will still be some element of what feels like waiting.

What we choose to do while we “wait,” however—and how we choose to view this time in our lives—is another story.  Our actions and attitude will not only impact our own level of life satisfaction, but they’ll affect how attractive we are to others (thereby impacting our ultimate goal of meeting a match).

Let’s call it “living“

I don’t personally like the term “waiting.”  Because waiting, to me, implies inactivity.  It involves doing nothing while enduring the lack of empowerment that comes from leaving life’s direction up to someone (or something) else.  I also believe it is not God’s wish that we remain inactive, passively accepting circumstances which we do not find fulfilling.

I feel God wants us to make the most of the hand we’ve been dealt.  This means making the most of your life while you “wait” (actively, I hope) for the one.  In other words, it means living your life to the fullest—and becoming the best person possible—in preparation to meet your partner or to spend your life satisfied on your own.

Making waiting worthwhile

Those of you who read this column regularly know my high regard for the warm and wise Tuannee Dickson, a periodic consultant on Faithmate articles and director of publicity at Bishop Noel Jones’ City of Refuge in Gardena, California.  A member of the congregation herself, Tuannee is particularly astute about the issues facing the many single men and women involved with the church.

On the issue of what to do while you wait, Tuannee once again shares her insight: “You might be wondering…okay God…what do I do in the meantime?” she ponders.  “Beloved, the answer is to determine in your mind that while God has you all to himself—BE ALL THAT HE HAS PURPOSED YOU TO BE!!”  In other words, she continues, “Concentrate on the second best gift God ever gave you…YOU!”

When I asked her for specific details, she expanded with a personal anecdote.  “As I sit and look at my library of books, they remind me of dreams deferred, ideas I started but never finished because I wanted more to be with h-i-m than H-I-M.”

“What might these ‘dreams deferred’ look like?” I press.  Read below for her specific suggestions, along with my own elaborations:

Expand your education
Being single affords you the peace and quiet to study and pursue your educational goals without the worry of supporting someone else.  Should you find yourself single, take advantage of this chance to expand your knowledge and your future earning potential.  (An added bonus: A school setting is the perfect place to meet singles with shared interests!)

Work your way up the corporate ladder
Working your way to the top requires long hours and personal sacrifice…things that create conflict when you have a family who needs you to function.  If your time to pay dues happens to fall when you’re single, use this to your advantage.  Prove your dedication now, and reap the rewards of a solid reputation when you do have someone waiting at home.

Investigate a business idea or pen that novel
More and more, people are becoming successful by being their own boss.  But, again, starting a new venture—or self-publishing your memoirs—means skimping financially and focusing your energy elsewhere besides home.  If starting a business or writing a book has been your dream, there may be no better time than the present.

Explore exotic locations
Always dreamed of seeing Spain?  Imagined yourself traveling through Italy with no timetable and no set schedule?  Seeing the world is much more difficult if you have to coordinate with a significant other, who may or may not agree on what to see and how to spend money.  That’s why meeting (and dating?) people in foreign lands is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity that can be best enjoyed by yourself.

Confirm your commitment to Christ
As Tuannee mentions, being with h-i-m can take the focus off being with H-I-M…and becoming who He has purposed you to be.  And if you’re feeling like you have lost your way, take her advice: “Go back to the beginning…to your purpose.  Go back to when you knew you could do anything as long as God was at the helm.”

The final word

The long and short is that turning “waiting” into an activity is absolutely the way to go.  Reconnecting with God and becoming the most full version of yourself does not have a single drawback.  In fact, it’s a guarantee you’ll make your life richer—and probably more productive and successful as well.  Finally, not only will you be the best possible partner if and when he comes along…you’ll indirectly increase your chances that he does.

Interested in a more humorous take on the benefits of being single?  See “Single and Sad? Stop Suffering and Start Enjoying the Benefits of Being on Your Own,” June 2008.