Dear Faithmate Ethics Advisor,
I’m dating a woman who’s almost everything that I want. The only problem is she smokes, and I really hate cigarettes. I tell her how much I hate it, and she says she’ll quit when she’s ready. I might not even mind so much, but things are starting to get serious, so, I worry not only about her health, but about eventually living with a smoker.
As a Christian, what would you do and why?
Faithmate’s Ethics Advisor says…
On the immediate action level, you should take a dual approach: First, emphasize to her that the reason you want her to quit is because your feelings are growing, and you want to enjoy many years of health and happiness together. Secondly, offer to strike an agreement. Tell her that you’ll stay off her back about quitting if she’ll commit to a considerate-smoking contract—which includes no smoking indoors!
With that in place, there isn’t much more you can do. Because adults can’t make other adults want to do something. However, once she is forced to smoke standing alone outside, I’ll bet the behavior becomes less. If it doesn’t, you always have the option to leave…heeding the following warning: The pursuit of perfection often leaves people alone.
Of course, this is just one opinion! As a Christian, do you agree or disagree? Post your comments below…
We'll answer your Christian Questions!Please send your dilemmas of ethics or etiquette to our Ethics Advisor. Your name and identifying information will be kept confidential, and if your question is selected, it will be answered in our Christian Question of the Day column.
3 Comments So Far
My brother in christ there is nothing too hard for GOD just fast and pray and speak to that smoking spirit she will deliver from that habit be bless and be encourage in the word of God.
The body is God’s Holy Temple. The scripture warns not to devile it. I believe smoking deviles it, does harm to it. I think most born again believers would not have a serious relationship leading into marriage with a drug addict, acoholic, gambler, or a person that does not believe in tithing. These things also go against the word of God. The word says how can two walk together except they be in agreement. This is not being in agreement and will always keep confusion in the relationship. He needs to let go of this relaltionship before he gets in to deep. Explain himself, still be a friend and maybe she will realize what the scripture means & ask God for deliverance. Possibly they may be able to reconcile.
I totally disagree with this approach. Smoking is obviously a deal breaker for this person. He made the mistake of ever getting involved with someone who smokes. He was probably more impressed with the physical rather than what was really real and lasting. In the long, this person will become resentful and probably flee. Do her and yourself a favor and back out now. No one wants to smell like a cigarette and kiss someone with smoker’s breath. End it now and tell her why.