Single, Christian, and can’t stand another Valentine’s Day alone? Learn the secret to dreading the day no more

Dilemma

I am a Christian woman and I’ve been single for a number of years, but it never gets easier to handle Valentine’s Day.  If I go out, I see all the happy couples having dinner together and if I stay home alone I just end up thinking about why I can’t find someone.  It has actually gotten worse over the years.  I now start dreading it right after Christmas!  Short of finding myself a man, do you have any advice on how I can stop feeling so bad?  I’m sure I speak for a lot of single ladies out there.

Deconstruction

There is actually a solution for completely changing your feelings about February 14.  And the secret is simple: Turn your perspective upside down!  Because right now, you are putting way too much importance on this “holiday.”  And for the wrong reasons.

But how can you manipulate your mindset about this day of romance and roses?  Let’s begin with an exploration of its origins…

The definition of the day

While Valentine’s Day has come to be associated with material items like flowers, candy, and cards, its roots have a much more religious meaning.  While there are various versions of the story, the popular website Ethnic2020 (www.ethnic2020.com) offers one comprehensive Christian definition of the day.  Their explanation describes the original Saint Valentine as a Roman Christian who refused to renounce Jesus and declare the Emperor as the Lord:

“The real Valentine was a Roman Christian martyred during the third century A.D. by the Emperor Claudius II.  Prior to his death, Valentine continued to minister in prison by witnessing to his prison guards.  One of the guards was a good man who had adopted a blind girl.  He asked Valentine if his God could help his daughter.  Valentine prayed and the girl was given her sight.  The guard and his whole family, 46 people, believed in Jesus and were baptized.  When the Emperor heard about this he was furious that Valentine was still making converts even in prison, so he sentenced Valentine to death.

Just before being led out to his execution, the young Christian wrote a note to the jailer’s daughter, signing it, ‘From your Valentine.’  The first valentine was really a Christian witness. Growing out of this story we participate in a custom of sending cards to people we love…(but) it’s ironic that the card we send has received the emphasis, instead of remembering the content of the original Valentine’s card: a message of unconditional devotion to Christ, even upon pain of death.”

They go on to explain how, through the years, the word “Saint” has been dropped from our reference to the day entirely (from “Saint Valentine’s Day” to simply “Valentine’s Day”).  This serves to put even more distance between the original Christian meaning and today’s emphasis on gift giving.

The modern message of materialism

Unfortunately, modern Valentine’s Day goes beyond cards and tiny tokens of affection.  Hallmark and other greeting card companies long ago realized that publicizing this holiday meant money in their pockets…and other industries caught on.  Soon a bevy of businesses wanted in on the action.  Fast-forward to the present, when we’re literally bombarded with messages that translate into, “Spend to show you care.”  Today, men and women feel pressure to drop dollars on high-priced items like jewelry and expensive accessories to prove their love to their partners.  And couples feel the push to take their loved ones out on the town…to restaurants and events offering special “lovers” (i.e. “highly inflated”) menus and admissions.

The reality of all those celebratory couples

Now that we’ve explored the real reason Valentine’s Day is so highly promoted, let’s shed some light on all those kissing couples you envy if you emerge from your house on February 14.  Because it’s easy to assume that everyone out on a date has it better than you.  But the truth is if you knew what was often going on behind the festive façade of Valentine’s Day dates, you might not be so jealous…and you might even derive a feeling of satisfaction from your sense of integrity and refusal to settle.

Scenario 1:
You see…
A man and woman dressed up, dining on steak and lobster at a fancy restaurant; you lament to yourself, “How lucky, she’s got a man who really loves her and wants to lavish her with an exquisite meal.”
But quite possibly…
That same man is actually sitting there sweating the $200 bill, while wishing he could have opted for IHOP instead of spending his rent money on an overpriced meal that’s not even going to fill him up.

Scenario 2:
You see…
Your girlfriend gifted with balloons and a box of chocolate, and again yearn to yourself, “I wish I had a man to make me feel special.”
But quite possibly…
Girlfriend isn’t feeling wanted, but rather worried about how she’s going to tell her coworkers she didn’t get the gold bracelet she had hinted at…and whether that means her man might not be truly lost in love.

Scenario 3:
You see…
A man buying flowers from a streetside vendor and assume some lucky woman is receiving Peonies from her Prince Charming.
But quite possibly…
This man’s date is not the love of his life, but rather a woman who, after being dumped by her boyfriend, felt compelled to be coupled by Valentine’s Day; therefore, she agreed to go out with the guy…and she’s been dreading the decision ever since.

My goal with these tongue-in-cheek examples is not to put down partnered people who want to spoil their significant others on Valentine’s Day.  And I’m certainly not saying that everyone who’s out is having a terrible time.  My aim is instead to show you that there is another perspective to the holiday hoopla…that doesn’t have a lot to do with love.  And furthermore, that you could probably show yourself as good, if not better, of a time doing something that feeds your soul more than scrambling for a dinner date.

What should singles do on this day?

So as you change your concept of the day—and your attitude of envy—you’re probably wondering what you might do as a single Christian on Valentine’s Day that will be really rewarding.  Here are my top three ideas:

#1 Attend a church or singles ministry event

As an unattached Christian, I can’t think of a better way to spend Valentine’s Day than hanging out with likeminded singles.  Think about it, if you meet someone at a church-sponsored singles event, you know the man or woman is single, spiritual, and strong enough to stand up to the pressure to find a date on Valentine’s Day just to say they did.

#2 Have fun with friends

When you are fighting feelings of jealousy, it’s hard to handle going out on Valentine’s Day.  But once you accept the day for what it is—and the absurdity of overspending to show affection—you won’t mind being out and about.  Plan a dinner party for pals, both single and coupled; catch a flick with friends; or just chill at a coffee shop like it’s any other evening.  Because it is just any other evening…if you’re wise enough to not get caught up in the consumer-driven frenzy!

#3 Treat yourself…by yourself

Again, once you’ve changed your attitude, you won’t mind hanging at home either.  And if you want to pay homage to the day, do something to celebrate your confidence as a strong, sexy, single woman!  Order in your favorite carryout, give yourself an at-home spa treatment, change up your hair color, or enjoy the opportunity to lose yourself in a fun, female-oriented film.

The takeaway message here is to put the day into perspective.  It’s only a big deal to businesses looking to boost their bottom lines…and not all couples are out having a fabulous, fairytale experience.  Finally, when you do find yourself part of a twosome, definitely make a date to celebrate your connection.  Just pick a day when restaurants are not serving the $100-per-plate “sucker’s special.”

Until next time, never lose faith…it only takes a moment to meet your soul mate.

Regina