Your man’s never-endingly negative about the economic recession—how can you put the positive back into your lives?

Dilemma

My man is taking the economy really hard because he works construction and things have been really slow.  My job is stable so we have been okay with money.  The problem is that he is always complaining and worrying about what will happen if things don’t pick up.  It’s starting to make us fight because I am trying to be positive and happy for the Lord’s blessings but I don’t know how to make him see that things will be alright if we just have faith.

Deconstruction

While the recession is on everyone’s mind, it is definitely hitting some harder than others.  The reason for this is twofold: First of all, how close a person is to the problem will affect their attitude.  For example, your boyfriend is in an industry that is significantly impacted by the housing market.  Since much of the problem began with home loans, lenders are now less than lenient.  This means the number of people who can afford to buy, build, or add on is seriously stifled, and this directly affects construction revenue.  Furthermore, the fact that your man is probably paid only when there is a project means he’s going to notice the current downturn more than someone like yourself, a salaried employee.

The bad news is that this first factor isn’t easily resolved by a positive attitude.  However, the second aspect that affects a person’s view of the current climate can be morphed by mere mindset.  This is the strength of their faith and optimism.

As Christians, we pride ourselves on our faith.  But it’s all too easy to spout on about the strength of our beliefs when things are good.  The true test of our faith, however, is when things aren’t petering along so perfectly.  Like, say, during an economic recession.  This is the time when we must put our tough talk into action—or in this case into attitude—and use it to keep negativism to a minimum.

But how exactly can we mold our mindset into a more positive one?  How can we keep the faith of Christians without acting totally out of touch with reality?  And, as in your case, how can we keep the current financial situation from breaking the bond between our loved ones and ourselves?

Tips for staying sane and spiritually centered during a downturn

Keep panic in perspective
Although the recession is very real, it’s important to remember that what we hear on the news are always the worst-case scenarios.  And while they are true tales, they don’t mean you will meet the same fate.  In your situation, this means pointing out to your boyfriend that the two of you are plodding along just fine…and that things will look up.

Take this opportunity to learn how to manage your money
While I just said not to panic, I’m not saying you should turn a blind eye to finances either.  In fact, now is a terrific time to better your management of money.  Are you properly prepared for the future?  How would you handle things should the recession become extended?  Are you aware of simple (and spiritual) solutions to achieve financial security and live the life God intended for you?

There are some wonderful resources that give Christians practical, positive information on directing their focus towards prosperity.  (One that I consider a must-read is Vow of Prosperity by Bishop Noel Jones and Scott Chaplan, which can be purchased through Amazon.)

Put together a plan
It would help your man stay focused on the present if you put a plan on paper of how the two of you will handle the current downturn.  After you’ve done some of the research suggested above, make a list of your expenses and your combined income—using his average earnings in a slow market.  If it looks as though ends don’t meet with your previous spending patterns, cut some corners and rework the numbers until they do.  Once your boyfriend can see that with certain spending, you can make it until the market readjusts, he’s likely to shift his constant focus off of finances.

Get back to basics
A constructive consequence of a down economy is that is forces us to derive enjoyment from the little things…things we might take for granted when we have access to more major material items.  So if you’ve fallen into this trap, now is the time for the two of you to find solace in simple things like Sunday services, homemade brunch, or a sunset stroll.  And when you do treat yourselves to a nice night out, you’ll find you really cherish every minute.

Make the most of music
When speaking of basic pleasures that don’t cost much money, music tops the list…and lifts your spirits sky high.  For example, downloading one good gospel album can keep you centered and get your mood out of the gutter when daily reality takes a toll.  (Check out Tyscot Records at www.tyscot.com for a selection of some of the greatest gospel artists of all time.)

Support his insecurity
When you find yourself getting fed up with your man’s complaining, remember that his ego may be hit harder because he’s a man.  Since men derive more of their self-esteem from making money, he’s likely to feel more frustrated when he is not bringing home as much as usual…especially if you still are.  When you realize his negativity is coming from fear—that he won’t be able to contribute like he feels a man should—you’re likely to act supportive instead of sick of it.

But lay down limits
While you want to be there for him to vent his frustrations, you don’t want to live in an environment of never-ending negative comments.  So simply tell him that you want both of you to try to maintain positive attitudes, and that means not constantly complaining.  If he starts with negative remarks, ask him if he’d like to take a few minutes and talk about it; if he does, let him vent, then move on to more uplifting topics.  If he says no, then remind him you are trying to enjoy your time together.

Appreciate family, church, and Christian community
Especially when times are tough, it’s helpful to increase your engagement with loved ones.  Attending church is such a spirit strengthener, as is just hanging out with family and friends.  If you’re not already a member, you might try joining a Christian lifestyle site like Faithmate (www.faithmate.com).  Whether or not you’re single, online destinations like this can be great resources for finding Christian events and outings, as well as feeling a sense of connection to your community and likeminded Believers.

The bottom line is you need to remind your man that your faith and love will guide you through.  Tenderly urge him to see this as an opportunity to strengthen your solidarity as a couple, learn to have fun in the face of setbacks, and come out with a more sound sense of devotion.

Until next time, never lose faith…it only takes a moment to meet your soul mate.

Regina