Readying Yourself for Romance Part I: The Physical Preparation

Maybe you’ve recently ended a long-term relationship. Or maybe you’ve been single for quite some time. Either way, when you’ve been out of the dating scene for an extended period, it can be intimidating to put yourself back out there and look for love.

Some of our fear comes from the unknown about the dating scene. But a lot of our concern comes from insecurity about ourselves: “How do I approach a potential date?” “How do I act on a date?” and “How should I look and prepare myself physically to start dating?”

As a Christian, this latter issue, that of attending to your physical appearance, might seem like it should be low on your priority list. But it shouldn’t. The reason is that, while objectively, how you look isn’t your most important aspect, how you feel about how you look is critical. If you feel attractive and desirable to the opposite sex, you will carry yourself with confidence. And confidence is a key component in attracting others.

When it comes to physical preparation, there are two elements: how you ready yourself to start dating in general and how you prepare yourself for an actual date. Because, again, looking your best is an advantage in initially attracting a mate; but more significantly, feeling secure with your appearance affects your attitude and actions. It draws others in like a magnet…and is much more powerful than whether or not you were born beautiful.

Preparing to enter the world of dating

In preparing to start meeting potential partners, it’s helpful if you address any physical issues that may be compromising your confidence. If a weight gain is your confidence killer, set a reasonable goal and get on a program of healthy eating, smaller portions, and exercise. Remember, you don’t need to delay dating until you reclaim your high school figure. Rather, just dropping 10 or 15 pounds can really help your self-esteem soar…not to mention impact your choice in attire and put a sexy saunter in your step.

Extra weight, however, is not the only source of physical insecurity. If you have another aspect of your appearance that’s stealing your self-confidence…consider fixing it! And, no, you’re not a shallow Christian because you fix a flaw. Christian or not, we all make initial judgments based on a person’s exterior. Sometimes, correcting an outside characteristic can be the best way of getting others to notice what’s wonderful about us on the inside.

So if your smile is making you miserable, see a dentist or orthodontist. If acne or another skin condition is causing you to feel less than fabulous, see a dermatologist; or even ask your drugstore pharmacist to recommend of a product that’s right on the store’s shelves. If gray hair is making you looker older than you are, for less than $10, there is a wide selection of do-it-yourself dyes that take only 30 minutes to take off years.

Preparing for the date

Once you’ve met someone and you’ve set a date, you need to physically prepare for the outing. Because while you know you’re a great catch, why make your date work through an unkempt or off-putting appearance to realize it? So before you walk out the door, take these tips into consideration to make sure you look your best.

Makeup in moderation
Women, makeup is great to help conceal blemishes, brighten your face, and make you feel feminine. But when overdone, let’s just say the word “hooker” comes to mind. Therefore, stick to what you’d usually wear, rather than experimenting with a “special” look. My recommendation is light foundation (only if you need it; I do), blush, a coat of mascara, and some lipgloss with a hint of color. On this latter note, the most common complaint I hear from men is that they hate dark, thick foundation or lipstick. Remember, you want to look and feel like you…not an untouchable doll or sideshow circus clown.

Keep the crazy out of hair
For women, I say wear your hair as you normally do…unless that means five different colors or some extremely odd or angular style. If this is the case, just tone it down one or two degrees. Because, in general, men like natural. (Although, no, I don’t mean your hair must be your own—just that you look somewhat natural.) The point is that you want to look like you—but you don’t want your hair to be all he notices. Regarding gray, if you are under 70, my advice is to color. Of course, some will disagree, insisting, “Why should we change who we naturally are?” My response to this is as above: If you can look as young as you feel for 10 bucks and 30 minutes, why not?

For men, same advice. Keep it standard, and show off your usual style. If your hair has thinned significantly, consider shaving it and flaunting the bald-by-choice look. Regarding facial hair, again, sport what you normally look like.

Regarding smell, clean beats cologne
Although it goes without saying, I can’t emphasize enough the importance of smelling fresh. I also can’t emphasize enough the importance of going easy on the cologne. Women, you can certainly use some light perfume; but remember, what is heavenly to one is a headache to another. Men, in general, women assume that if you’ve piled on the cologne, you’ve got something to hide…like body odor. Consider skipping it, especially on a first date.

Dressing Dos and Don’ts
For women, what to wear on a date—especially a first one—is a most daunting decision. My advice is as follows: Make sure you have some idea ahead of time what you’ll be doing, so you can dress appropriately. For example, if you’re taking a hike, showing up in heels and a skirt is a bit bizarre…but certainly appropriate for a dinner date.

Secondly, err on the side of casual and conservative. Now I’m in no way a conservative dresser; so by this I don’t mean wear a business suit or khakis and a button down if that’s not you. I just mean that, while I do own some low-cut blouses and daring dresses, I’m not going to bust those out on date one. Third, don’t wear something that you must constantly keep an eye on (like a strapless top) or shoes so high they make you walk weird. And finally, avoid the following: anything at all see-through, very low cut, extremely dressy, too trendy, or uncomfortable. On the other hand, do pick something that makes you feel pretty. At any age, a pair of nice jeans and a dressy top, a casual dress, or a skirt and shirt are always appropriate for an indoor date.

For men, the decision is a bit easier, but the same standards apply: Dress appropriately for the event in something that makes you feel good about yourself. Again, I’m not saying you should sport a suit and tie, but do look like you put some effort into looking clean and put together. And for both genders, please dress age appropriate! If you are a mature man or woman of 45, do not show up in a getup more suitable for your son or daughter.

Don’t overlook the unmentionables
Some things are uncomfortable to discuss but can be big turnoffs to a date. And while a date will never tell you, the following have been cited as reasons for feeling less than romantic.

Both sexes, make sure you’ve eliminated the following: bad breath (pop a mint or gum and avoid onions or garlic predate), body odor, and nose hair. Men, take tweezers to stray ear hair or an unsightly unibrow (i.e. one continuous eyebrow) and trim excessively long eyebrows. Women, might your mustache need waxing? Could you spare five minutes to shave your legs if you’re wearing a skirt? While these seem like small details—and they are certainly not the essence of a person—they’re things that dates do notice. And they can hurt your chance for romance.

If you’re readying yourself to get back into the game, don’t dismiss your physical appearance…although don’t use it as an excuse to put off dating altogether either. Instead, follow the tips above; then put aside the pressure to be perfect! The right person is going to like the real you. So think in terms of being yourself…only the best version of yourself. And finally, remember that confidence is completely captivating!

*Stay tuned for parts II, III, and IV of the series “Readying Yourself for Romance” Coming soon!